On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
