i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
zippers are such a cool invention
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
