just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
