Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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