I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
