I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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