i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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