No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
