I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
