You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
