There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
