I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
