who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
