SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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