Do you still have your period?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
