then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
