fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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