VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize