I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
