Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
