She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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