when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
