made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Semen is not good for contacts.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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