i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
