I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
