So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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