i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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