When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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