I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
