im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
