I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
