Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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