Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
