I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
