an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Shame - the story of my life.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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