smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
