on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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