i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
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