I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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