I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
