There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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