I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
