good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize