dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Randomize