I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She even gives head with a lisp.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
