you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize