I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
