I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i dont even know how to be here
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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