Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
