Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
