and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
