planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
