are you still at the devil's house?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
