He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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