I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
