I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It's official drugs can't kill me
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Alive.
So much puke
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize