We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
ugly people sure do ruin things
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
