One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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