I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize