Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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