This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
