Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
