I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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