I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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