i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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