2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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