Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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