i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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