Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
