dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
honey bunches of taint.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
