he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
