we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
