If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
