Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
